Songs that make you Wanna _______!

So, thought I'd try something a little different for New Year's Eve, a little more interactive and multimedia.  I'm gonna share some of the songs that make me Wanna ______.  Please leave yours in the comments, I'd love to check them out :-) I couldn't figure out how to have them open in a new window...so...it's "back button" time

Play Hard :  The Cure

Suffer : Sonic Youth

Have Sex : Prince

Dance :  EBTG

Make Out : George Michael

Have a nice depressing pity party: The Smiths

Smile : Flogging Molly

Cry : Julie Cruise

Be all Alone : Alexi Murdoch

Okay....your turn!

The Poll Results: Nipple Torture

And the results are in.  Your favorites are....

Fingers	7 (50%)
Mouth Teeth	7 (50%)
Clothespins	5 (35%)
Clamps	9 (64%)
Whips	2 (14%)
Floggers	2 (14%)
Quirts	1 (7%)
Weights	4 (28%)
Electric Wands	1 (7%)
Fire/Ice	1 (7%)
Needles	1 (7%)

The luvable "Clamps".  So many styles and levels of severity.  In honor of the results, here's a pic of Goddess's handywork with clamps and my new collar :-)

New Year's Resolutions

In addition to a host of personal habits and responsibilities that I have to my owner, these are the "extras" on my list of things to accomplish in 2011.

Okay...drum roll please...

1. To find at least one new and special way to please Goddess each month.  Something that will make her smile, please her in a way that brings a freshness and a newness to my service to her. (I'll gladly accept ideas :-)
2. To do everything I can to see Goddess's dream of her own private dungeon come to fruition.
3. To build a stronger, deeper, more meaningful network of others in the BDSM lifestyle.
4. To become more fit, lean, flexible so as to be able to serve Goddess better.
5. To more faithfully work on this blog so that it is a fitting tribute to my Goddess.
6. To make movies of my submission and share them.
7. To revive my photography hobby and use it to expand my world vision and to please Goddess with the images.
8. To meet, if only for coffee, 3 online friends in the real world...to merge the cyberlife with the reallife.
9. To go on some sort of retreat...completely non-vanilla (a 2 day seminar or event, camping, D/s lifestyle mini trip)
10. To expand and develop my submissive limits in the areas I am deficient (future post coming)
11. To share my submissive life with one vanilla friend...again an attempt to merge both parts of life...vanilla/non-vanilla...in order to spend less time going from one to the other...and spend more time in the BDSM lifestyle...out of the closet.

The Most Special Gift of All: A Collar

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SubSpaceSearching and Bi-sexuality

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Collaring Part 3: In Kinkness and In Health...

Ah, the Collaring Ceremony...the subject of Blog posts, Diary entries, Short stories and Poems.  Just the thought of a ceremony conjures up words and emotions like romance, power exchange, jocularity, festiveness, solumness, pagentry, protocol, sacrifice, community....

If you google "collaring ceremony", you'll get tons of examples, formulas, pictures, movies, how-to's, OMG...people love a good ceremony :-)  Here are some very common elements often included in typical ceremonies....

• The "branding" of the sub/slave with the owner's mark.  (For the Gorean Crowd)
• Elaborate speeches and orations
• Recitations of oaths
• Public flogging
• Candle lighting ceremonies including wax play
• The shedding or dropping of sub's hard and soft limits
• A renaming of the sub/slave
• A binding of the hands by ribbon with both holding the contract
• The signing of a contract
• A carefully scripted public scene
• In a domme/sub ceremony, the sub may be "taken with a strap-on" to signify the power exchange, often in front of the guests.
• A wine toast for everyone except the sub who gets her golden nectar.
• Ceremony guests may be invited to hug the Master/Mistress and spank or humiliate the submissive...or may be asked to participate in some manner that the Master/Mistress desires.
• Elements common to a marriage may be included, such as music, readings, etc.
• A reception or party may be held subsequent to the ceremony.  This may include scenes, public service from the submissive...or simply be a time for drink and laughter.

It's a creative person's dream event...no doubt...whether its a small or large event.  And since there aren't any real "social conventions" other than the actual "collaring"...a Master/Mistress can basically design their own perfect ceremony.

There will probably be a follow up to this post after Goddess and I put our heads together...and her will is done :-)

Collaring Part 2: Musings on the Internet's Take

As most of you readers know, I am in service to Goddess, a Magnificent Woman who somehow found me in the pile of subs out there seeking a dominant.  We've only been together now for going on two months, and already have made some significant moves forward in our relationship.  My period of "consideration" lasted about a week (mostly online, a dinner w/ her and hubby, and a play session at a local club).  Immediately, many things became apparent:

• There was a respectable amount of trust that developed quickly.
• There was an "energy" that made a "connection" between us from the beginning.
• Our philosophies, views, interests, BDSM profiles were very in-line with one another.
• My life situation (single parent) and hers (a solid femdom marriage) were assimilated into a common goal...potential domme/sub relationship.

This background in mind, we have done a whirlwind of what most would call "training" or mutual "testing" of who each of us is, what makes us tick, what our "limits" are, and where we'd like this to go in the future.  Although I've worn collars for her...one could hardly call them "training" collars simply because things have gone so fast.

COLLARING Pt. 1 : Research and Understanding

So, over the last 25 years or so, I've been in and out...on the fringe...knee deep in the BDSM scene.  Lots of experimentation, lots of play partners, lots of self reflection.  A "collar", although discussed a couple times, has not been part of my experience.  With my devotion to Goddess growing by the day, and Her happiness with my service...the word has come up.  A "Collar"...an adornment, a piece of clothing or accessory sure...but we're talking about a COLLAR or BEING COLLARED. 



While I have a basic understanding of what that really is, I did some research and found some great resources on what a Collar really means, what types of collars there are, etc.  Much more than I had thought about, so wanted to share with you.  One of the best sites I found was http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/ . 

Diary: When Worship Gets Sticky

Through out my submissive journey, I've probably spent months of my life worshiping feet.  It's one thing I do extremely well, and can always be sure that my service is pleasing my dominant, and making their life better...more enjoyable.  I've been trained professionally on foot massage technique, I've devoted my life to practice and training to become even better.  I'm tireless with my mouth and tongue when it comes to kisses, licks, sucks, and nuzzles.  

So when Goddess introduced her desire for me to "feed" from her feet...I knew that my horizon's were going to be expanded.  I've now had desert from her toes twice...and also cleaned up one of my "messes" from her toes as well (in front of several gawking strangers to boot).  Worshiping a magnificent foot is a foundation of my submissiveness...a platform that many other forms of service are built up from. 

Maybe the biggest thing about foot worship for me is...it is a downhill run to Subspace...a freefall into subbyland...where a total exchange of power...a total devotion to the pleasure and benefit of my owner...begins.

Fiction: I Can't take Anymore (A Memory)

It had already been hours since I had arrived at Mistress's home.  She had unleashed a world of suffering on me, through every method she knew...especially my nipple training.  The majority of my body was quivering, and the minority that wasn't was dodging the blows from her crop.  The afternoon was almost over and I assumed she was about to dismiss me...but that wasn't the case.  I stood before her as a clover clamp was placed on each of my nipples and they were joined by a heavy chain that provided tension and an evil weight was dangled from the chain. She sat at her bureau to do her hair and makeup before going out for the evening, and had me wedge my nose in her ass crack while she worked. As the minutes passed, the chain's weight began to pull at my nipples making it more and more uncomfortable to the point I almost had tears in my eyes.

When she had completed her preparations, she got down on the floor facing me and looked me in the eyes. She could tell I was at my limit with the pain. A good Domme can just sense my pain by looking in my eyes. She pushed the chain like a swing and I almost passed out...praying the clamps would pull themselves off with the motion of the chain...but they didn't. When the chain came to a stop, she mercifully but quickly pinched the clamps and let them fall to the floor. I closed my eyes and fought off a scream as the blood and nerves rushed back to the ends of my nipples.

Shameless Plug for a Friend's Blog

If you enjoy reading high quality Blogs, then you HAVE to visit http://kinkykelleykicksthekurse.wordpress.com/ !!! 
She has begun an interactive Blog on the topic of SEX.  I'm sure you will quickly ascertain her blog as a "must read".

Fiction: Goddess Plays A New Game

Sparrow and I knelt before her, worshiping her feet and looking up into her eyes.  She had an interesting smirk that I've rarely seen as she began,

"Tonight, my pets, we're going to play a game that a friend of mine shared with me, although I've made it my own with a few improvements.  If either of you need to use the restroom, do it now and return to your worship position when you are finished."

Having had a cup of coffee earlier, I immediately went to the restroom and took care of business...then returned to her feet.  Sparrow had remained at Ma'am's feet and was speaking to her in a hushed voice as I got back.

Diary: Basement: Your Help

As Goddess visualizes her ideal dungeon space and we work to make it a reality.  It would be great to get some help from you readers.  Please feel free to contribute:

• Any "do-it-yourself" ideas for furniture, decoration, miscellaneous dungeon stuff.
• What you would have in YOUR dream dungeon.
• Pictures or links to practical dungeon solutions.

• Any creative ideas you might have.



The space will be approximately 15' x 15' give or take.  Cement walls on 2 sides and open for drape/curtain walls on the other two.  Cement floor.  Lots of rafters and beams exposed on the ceiling.  Starting from scratch, so everything will be by Goddess' design and meet her approval.

Thanks for any help you might be able to give in the thought process :-)

Diary: The Basement

No this isn't going to be a "locked in the basement like an animal" entry :-)  Actually I spent Sunday afternoon with Goddess and her husband at their home.  We began a basement cleanup with the objective of making space to construct a dungeon lair for her.  They have the typical accumulation of "things" that anyone builds up throughout life...so there were boxes and boxes of various things: clothes, keepsakes, books, old dishes, etc.  We spent several hours organizing, purging, reminiscing about certain items.  It was fun on several levels.  First of all, I enjoyed being helpful in a different way, as it made me feel useful to them.  Secondly, I got to know them as people...interacting in a different way than domme/sub.  Thirdly, I learned more about them by seeing their keepsakes, hearing their stories, and allowing a nice element of humor and lightheartedness.

After we had cleared out many, many shelves.  I hauled up the throwaway boxes to the garage to be ready for trash day.  It was a labor of love, but in all honesty, it was work :-)  I overdid it a tad, and was pretty sore that night and the day after.  Guess it was a reminder that a 45 year old man can and does get out of shape.

Well, as we called the basement quits, Goddess made sure we still had time to continue my training and I endured a very strenuous session of nipple training/torture, that pleased her greatly.  It was a new benchmark for me in the level of suffering that I was able to endure for her.

The journey continues and all is well with the world.

Diary: My First Punishment

I had failed her earlier this week.  Goddess has given me 5 different pairs of panties to wear at her direction.  I was to always have a clean pair available, in case she wished me to wear a pair to work or had special plans.  Well...I failed...between work...a busy laundry room in my complex...and dare I say...a lack of planning on my part...all 5 were in a state of non-freshness.  Goddess was displeased and made sure I knew that there were consequences for my failure.

Last night, she looked so beautiful, she smelled beautiful and when I arrived at her location...my mind wondered away from a punishment to just serving and worshiping her feet.  At one point in the evening, however, it was "that" time, and Ma'am began what was to be a very long spanking session.  She used a number of different straps, hairbrushes and paddles to warm me up.  I was thankful that she didn't just go right to "the punishment".  Once my bottom was a shade of red that pleased her...she used the wooden paddle on me...sets of 10 at a time.  It is easily the most severe of her spanking toys I've endured (except maybe the quirt).  I suffered for her...I counted out the whacks for her.  I knew that I deserved it and took the punishment as bravely as I could.

I know she went easy on me, as it was my first punishment for my first offense.  But it was severe enough to give me a taste of the repercussions of disappointing her.

There are other things I'll share at some point, including her sending me home with a pair of butterfly clamps that I will be using during my chastity training, and a glimpse of her basement...that we plan to overhaul into a private dungeon/lair.  So much going on, I'm so Thankful for her, for her guidance, for her training, for her ownership of me.  It truly is the best Thanksgiving this sub has had in a very long time.

Diary: A Humiliation for Her Enjoyment

Goddess and I attended the club on Friday night and again, my horizons were broadened.  I would just like to share a portion of the evening that really set the benchmark for any humiliation I've ever experienced.  There were very few people at the club, friendly folks, but not many of them.  I had suffered some fairly taxing nipple torture already.  She had 2 hemostats, one on each nipple, attached them with metal clasps and had a wooden paddle hanging from them for weight.  We were in a semi private room, meaning, it had a door, but the door had a window, and there was another window also in the room so people in the main play space could view in without actually interacting at all.

She positioned me in the middle of the small room facing the windows.  I was completely nude except for the nipple implements.  She used a crop on my penis and balls until I had a strong erection (which doesn't take much, especially when my nipples are involved).  An older leather man was standing up next to the window watching...and I tried my best to not look at him, avoiding his eyes.  I know he was fondling himself while he watched, which made me a little uncomfortable.  A younger couple then walked to the door and started watching also.  Goddess continued to use the crop and I continued to stand there on display for the audience outside the room.  The she handed me a small Styrofoam bowl and asked if I was ready for my reward.  I immediately said "Yes Ma'am" not wanting to give her a chance to change her mind.

Three Firsts in one Night

It's quite a day to remember.  Goddess and her hubby had invited me to their home for dinner.  It says a lot for the level of trust and understanding that each of us feels and made for a fantastic evening.  We spent a substantial amount of time chatting and sharing and having some laughs while Goddess prepared a fantastic meal.  She is a great chef and everything was wonderful.  We again all enjoyed each other's company during dinner.

After I had done the dishes, Goddess brought out a cupping set similiar to this...definitely a first for me.  She tried a couple different sizes and pressures.  All felt strange and unique, but the one that felt best was a smaller one on my left nipple.  She was very careful not to go to far...I actually liked it most when it was pumped an extra pump.  I don't think it did much for Goddess, as it did take multiple tries, wasn't working exactly as it should, and frankly, I think she just likes other things better.  I think it might be worth another try if she desired it...just to push it a little harder and see how much pain and discomfort it could cause if pumped a little further. 

That Slutty Feeling

There have been several times in my submissive life, where after anal training or strap-on play...I've mentioned to my Domme that I've felt slutty...that I walk different for about 24 hours.  Something about being penetrated just brings on a mindset of...trying to attract gazes at my ass...trying to attract others who might be interested in having me.  More than anything, it's the involuntary change in the way I walk...the "slut walk".  Well Goddess and I haven't done any anal/ass play yet, but the shocking revelation I'd like to share is about panties.  Goddess had me wear some sexy panties last Friday night at the club (first time ever worn women's undergarments)...and they had/are having the same effect on me. 

She instructed me to wear a pair of panties to work today...which was a little strange for me to be sure...but I followed her instructions.  I noticed myself walking like a slutty teenager...striking poses...wishing people would see and desire my ass.  The best way to describe it is, all day today...in my head...I was walking and feeling like this:


My Goddess has brought out in me a very interesting deep rooted sexy feminine feeling.  It caused many erections over the course of the day...and had her on my mind all day.

Contemplations on Chastity and Being a Whore

It's been over 2 weeks since I've had an orgasm, and have no idea when my next will be.  Goddess has taken happy ownership over them.  I think about masturbating almost all the time...it interupts my other thoughts all the time.  So what do I do...I write the fantasy I just posted this morning.  It gets me soooo worked up and turned on, that I've read it 10 times.  To make matters worse, I have clothespins on my already sensitive nipples (still sore from Goddess 2 nights ago).  Self inducing the biggest, strongest erection I can ever remember having...like I have a donkey dick hanging from me under the desk....balls swollen with cum...mind realing...hormones pumping....knowing that there is no release in sight.

The life of a sub...who is also a whore...is a sweet, sweet, torture that never ends......

Fiction: A Lesson in Humility

We arrived at the club as it opened once again.  We had gotten comfortable with the atmosphere, the people, and generally were very comfortable using this place as our "head quarters" for scenes and playing.  Over the course of the week, my owner had been dropping hints that because I had been serving well, I was going to be rewarded with my favorite sub activities and even, much to my delight, orgasms.  All week I had a spring in my step anticipating a "subbie dream come true" session on Saturday.

As we entered, I dropped to my knees and kissed her feet (as is one of her rules) and invited her to take a seat and get comfortable so I could worship her feet properly.  As I began my massage, Ma'am started asking me questions like, "You've been looking forward to tonight haven't you?", "Is your erection ready for the release we talked about?", "Which of your favorite things would you like to start with tonight?"  It seemed as though I was going to get a royal sub treatment.  Ma'am is very kind and loving, and since I had done everything in my power to serve her well...I was "Proud" that she was recognizing my efforts and planning a reward for me.

Night 2 @the Club

On Friday night, Goddess, Hubby, and I again went to the local club for more get acquainted time.  Goddess and I have been chatting online daily to keep getting to know each other and talk through all the things that come up between a Domme and a new sub.  Here are the bullets of our time together:

Goddess Perfectus (Fiction)

I had just finished 30 minutes of massaging, kissing, and sucking her toes and feet, as it became apparent that the club was going to be slow again that night.  "Let's take your training a step forward my dear Hawk" she said in her soft but commanding voice.  We walked into the semi-private room (the one with big glass windows for those who cared to watch) and I stripped down, out of my clothes and submitted to whatever she had planned.  She placed cuffs on my wrists and ankles and proceeded to secure me to the tall wooden cross in the corner.  I was stretched out nicely and had very little room for movement at all.  She placed a gag in my mouth and stepped back to admire her new property.  I looked into her eyes as she grabbed the small nipple whip and began to slowly sensitize both my nipples...bringing the blood to the surface...not really causing much pain, but building up a warmth on my skin.  Once satisfied with the shade of pink around each nipple...she continued...

Diary: Welcome to the beginnings

This is my first diary post on this blog and want to catch you up.  I am currently in a submissive relationship with a domme who will be known as Goddess.  The relationship is in its infancy...barely 2 weeks old, but already has roots and framework that are quite solid.  She found me on Collarme...my lonesome unfriended, uncommented Collarme profile.  I don't know what good karma I had, what luck I'd found, what fate I'd pleased...but she chose me to contact.  We chatted online for only days, and both were comfortable enough to set up a "get acquainted dinner" to see if the chemistry was as real as it seemed...both hoping not to waste time on something that had no future.  The dinner went very well and we actually went to a local club afterwards and continued a fantastic evening of getting to know each other.

Goddess is married to a very good man and they have one of those special relationships that defies the odds.  He is mostly submissive, but the two of them have a bond of friendship and comaradery that is rarely seen.  He was present at dinner and the club.  I'll probably write more about the whole subbing to a married domme in the near future, as it was/is a little strange...but something to learn from and be open-minded about.

In any case, things are well, and we plan on meeting again this weekend.  I am soooooo thankful she found me...soooo grateful she is considering me for a more permanent type sub...and sooooo thrilled to be back out of lonely searching mode.

I am also very thankful YOU are here.  I hope this blog can become very interactive.  I'm a creative sub, enjoying fiction writing, enjoy being challenged, enjoy exchanging ideas and thoughts.  Please subscribe and visit often as the potential of my journey couldn't be more bright at the moment.

Sub Sister: Part 1

It was going to be something new, as tonight Ma'am was going to introduce another sub into our little circle.  Up until now, it had been her, her hubby, and myself...but tonight Ma'am would have 3 subs to play with and the smile on her face displayed her enthusiasm.  I waited in the parking lot of the club as they pulled up.  The three of them had just had dinner to get aquainted and converse before we all got together for the evening.  Ma'am had told me very little about the person joining us, other than she was similiar in age and likeminded on most of the important things.

Fiction: Monday Nights

I arrive at her home one minute early and kneel at her door until exactly 7pm. The door opens and I crawl into the foyer with my eyes to the floor. She steps barefoot in front of me and await her tender voice...

"Clean them...bitch"

I lower my face until my tongue begins bathing her toes...instep...ankles...back to her toes.

"That's enough, get started" she says

Fiction: I Can Do This

Because of our schedules, it had been two weeks since we had seen each other. Finally, we had a whole day to spend together and I was very excited to see her as I quietly let myself in to her apartment at 7am. I had instructions of household tasks that I was to perform quietly while Mistress slept. I dusted and deep cleaned the living room and kitchen, as well as did the laundry. It was almost 10am when I returned with the folded clothes, and found her sitting in the living room enjoying a cup of coffee. I crawled to her feet and with my tongue on her toes and my eyes looking straight into hers...I worshiped her and let her know how badly I had missed her. As she finished her coffee she spoke for the first time, "strip and kneel" which I did.
Mistress circled behind me and went to work as she hog tied my hands and feet behind me. "We're going to see if you have lost any of your good sub qualities while we've been apart. A lot is going to happen in the next couple hours and you are going to be challenged with focusing on one thing...pleasuring me...dispite all the other sensations." I really had no idea what was coming, but didn't have to wait long.
Firstly, Mistress took 2 nipple clamps and attached them to my nippled so that the clamps laid flat against my body hanging down. The pain was moderate and I was able to fight through the initial sting of them being put on. I thought, "I can do this"........