"Just Shoot me"
"Just Kill me"
"Put me out of my misery"
"Calgon take me away"
"I just don't care anymore"
"Stick a fork in me"
All things that most of us think or say when Real Life gets overwhelming. Whether its work, family, money, or all those little "issues" that seem to hit all at once...there is a tendency to just need to MAKE IT STOP! I had one of those days yesterday...almost felt like crying, almost felt like locking myself in my room and never leaving. It is at moments like this that many people reach for alchohol or drugs...some form of escapism.
For me, when I reach that point where I just can't cope, a very different feeling sometimes creeps in...I want to be beaten...I want to just wallow in the awfulness of the day and truly SUFFER...suffer so much that it washes all the other crap away. Being as submissive as I am, slipping into subspace is very easy to do. I can get there massaging feet...even just listening to my Goddess speak sometimes. But...
Subspace is actually so much more to me. It is a place where the only things that really matter are my service, my attention, my submission to the will, desire, and pleasure of my owner. It is a place of "cleansing...of sorts"...shedding all the rest of the world and its issues and problems in order to concentrate on the ONE person who you adore and worship. So...
I guess its not surprising that when the world gets to be too much...when vanilla life gets overwhelming...there is a natural "pull" or "yearning" to get cleansed by something powerful and strong enough to refocus and "let go".
Last night I told Goddess that I needed to be "beaten", to have the toil of the real life day erased with pain. I think this was something...an emotion...that was new to her. I'm so glad I was able to talk to her about it, and that conversation inspired this post. Also...
There is a Ying to this Yang. There is also a desire...a need to be held...caressed...cared for...probably much more common I'm guessing. I have those feelings too, like everyone. But they aren't exclusive. It's just that sometimes the need for comfort and the need for pain/suffering collide, and one may tip the balance.
My questions to you are:
- For the subs, do you ever get similar feelings when real life gets to be too much?
- For the doms, have you experienced this in your subs?
- For the switches, can you understand what I'm trying to share here?
- Is it selfish of a sub to have this type of desire or need to be "beaten" or "cleansed with pain"?
- Is this just another bad way of escaping life...like drugs or booze?
- Is this a destructive response to bad days or bad times?
This feeling doesn't happen much...usually doesn't linger that long either. But it's very real for me. Thanks for reading and I would appreciate your feedback :-)
