Mar 22, 2011

Sorry I've Been Absent

It's been a struggle for the last month, mostly with vanilla life issues and struggles.  I know, what's new right?  Well, I wanted to just let everyone know that the journey continues...actually, it thrives in so many ways.  Goddess has been training me in many, many be a better slave.  Much of the way things have gone lately is very dreamy...and from my little sub goggles...looks almost unbelieveably perfect.  I've lots of posts to catch everyone up, but for now just wanted to say "Hiya Campers!"  :-)

Feb 26, 2011

When a sub reads Domme literature...

Well, it's probably just not a smart thing to do for starters.  But I did...and came across a few articles on "How to drive your sub/slave into deeper submission."  I realize there are 1000's of ways, but there were some I read that struck a cord with me.  Thought I'd share some of the things in the article with my reaction.

Have him make a list of the 10 things that make him the most self-conscious, uncomfortable or embarrassed.  Thought this was interesting, 10 is sort of a big number, but I'm going to work on this one.

Work with him, having him do the things on the list (if possible), so that she conquers those fears and hesitations.   Inevitable follow-up to the one above.

Have him eat from a dog bowl on occasion.   Having been a sub all my life, not sure how I made it this far without ever having to do this.  Would definitely make me feel submissive, especially in the presence of others.

For transgressions: Command that he is to be silent for a period of time. He may not speak, and will take whatever pain or pleasure You give as silently as possible.  I tend to be sorta stoic, so not sure this would have much impact on me.

Have him wear nipple clamps under his clothing out to dinner or shopping.  Yes, yes, and yes.

Speak about him as if he were not present.  Another one I've never experienced.  The whole objectification thing has never really been explored.  Seems very subspacey to me.

Keep a list of his transgressions in a little book....let him slip for a while...thinking You are not noticing.....then one day, bring out the book and have a day of atonement.  Ah, the unexpected punishment session, that's one I know about...and it works.

Don't be afraid to bring him to tears, for they are Yours as well.  This one caught me off guard.  From a Domme's point of view it totally makes sense...and just the thought of a dominant thinking this makes me feel submissive.

Get him tattooed (Your choice of art and location).  Goddess and I have talked/joked about this one, but it is definitely something I think about.

Make him swallow his own cum or another man's cum.  Well part "A" is a reality and part of my life.  Part "B" something I experienced long ago, and already know how it would make me feel...owned and submissive.

Force him to eat something that he likes but modify it with spit or golden nectar.  This has always been a hard limit for me, but one that I no longer wish to hold onto.  This is one of the ultimate acts of submission and a punctuation mark on a dominant's power.  I'm no longer afraid.

Are there any of you Domme's or Subbies who have reactions to these? or ideas of your own?

Feb 5, 2011

Self Disclosure

I've read several very thoughtful "Who am I" type posts lately...authors trying to peel back some layers to describe themselves more transparently.  And, well, I guess I caught the bug.
I don't have a lot of real life friends.  My depression has...over time...worn most of them out.  I find it incredibly hard to return phone calls, to be spontaneous and go out to do things socially.  I'm an introvert in almost every sense of the word.  My self-esteem hovers around dangerous levels most of the time and there are very few emotional outlets where I can really be myself.

Much of what has shaped me comes from my past relationships.  My mother and each of my two ex-wives were extremely controlling, somewhat abusive, and quick with the put-down.  Over time I learned that if I was going to say something...I'd better think it over real good first, to avoid being chastised or told I didn't know anything...or worst of be misunderstood.

As a submissive, I've served around 10 different dominant females (half pro-dommes) and ALL EXCEPT Goddess have described me as a sub inside himself...a slave without words...a slave that is so submissive that I get lost in my head.  With Goddess things are a little different, but I think she still notices how I sort of "shut down" and go into serving mode.  My slavery to Goddess is more complex somehow, a slightly deeper emotional connection and understanding that has grown rather quickly.

My lack of confidence, my stoic nature in and out of play-time, and my over thinking in my head has caused some big problems along my submissive journey.  I've run away from some very strong and worthy dominants.  People who took the time to care about me, to train me, to invest in me.  I guess the running stems mostly from fear of not being good enough for them, or making mistakes.  There has been some vanilla life garbage that definitely has contributed to the running as well...a sort of "nothing bad can happen if I cut myself off from everyone" attitude.

But, like I said, I'm growing.  I'm learning to communicate a little better.  I'm a better match for my owner than anyone I've previously served.  I say that because our objectives, interests, motivations are in tune.  I'll post again with more of a Goddess Centric post, to share a more in depth scope to my slavery to her.

So...what do I need?  I need ownership, companionship, and friendship from patient people...people who understand how singular and fragile I can easily I quickly I sink into deep subspaces and thrive in their technicolor emotions and feelings.  I'm not sad, although the future does scare me a bit.  Facing the world is tricky when you're a thinker...a STOIC...and living in a fast paced, rat race world.

Feb 2, 2011

Goddess and the Dungeon

The dungeon has come a LONG way!
We've constructed walls (above) and although we may configure them slightly different, the work we have put in is really starting to show.  By the end of this month it should be mostly finished

Of course there are always improvements and "adds", but the Space is for all intensive purposes...ready for action.

Also, Goddess received a new paddle that came as an extra with my collar.  It's called the "Lightning Bolt" and it is exquisitely made.  Check out Black Market Chicago and the image of Goddess with the new tool below...

She is Divine and so worthy of praise and worship.  I am fortunate to be in her service!

Some Images and Updates on the Journey

Snowed in...and listening to the wind howl...wishing I was at her feet...where I belong on a day like today.  Unfortunately, there's 15 miles of blizzard between us :-( 

So thought I'd catch you up with some words and pictures.
Very early in my service to Goddess, she discovered that a pair of dog leashes (moderately heavy chain) made great toys for attaching to my nipple clamps.  They've been used on many occasions and although I sort of dread them...they are extremely effective in a variety of situations.  Goddess enjoys them as well, both for their perfect weight and the way they can be used.  Above she mixed one of the leashes with one of my main duties...foot worship.  Almost every aspect of my training has a component of nipple torture.  It is one of many likes that we share, that binds us together.

Impact play, spanking, and the "reddening of the ass" are activities that are challenging for me, always have been.  I know I've got a long way to go in my training to completely satisfy Goddess in this way of submitting.  A bondage component helps me to be able to suffer longer and harder, and I know that this type of training and punishment is something that will always be tested.  Because it is important to's important to me.  Above I received a nice Rosy pair of cheeks last weekend.

Something I learned at the very beginning of my submissive journey..."a sub cleans up his mess" ever present in my life.  Goddess enjoys this and expects it from is a "given".  I've noticed several other bloggers writing about the subject lately, and just thought an image of my "reality" might be apropo.

Goddess and I both struggle with the limited amount of time in which I'm able to serve her.  Work, family, weather, and other things seem to prevent us from having the quantity of time we both desire for my training and service.  While this will always be a challenge, it's one that is made bearable by the fact that the "quality" of the time we do have is unsurpassed.

The title of this Blog, "Sub Space Searching" could really be altered to say "Sub Space Found"...but then again...deeper places of Space are still out there waiting to be cultivated.  Goddess has already made it known that there is much on the road ahead of me....

Jan 30, 2011

Images for subservient-husband: As Promised

As promised, from the "What's your favorite bondage position" post, here are some images of SH's contribution.  You see, this really IS interactive!

Hopefully, that's the idea you had in mind sub-hub :-)

Another post will be coming soon, as I've much more to share....