Fiction: Alone yet Not

It had been one week since I'd seen Mistress, and as I rang the doorbell, the frozen wind of mid January ran its chilled fingers through my hair.  A tear slowly made its way from my eye.  The door opened and I took a few steps in, far enough for the door to close behind me and knelt on the floor.  Within seconds I felt my collar being tightly placed around my neck and heard the lock click shut.  Just as fast I was shrouded in darkness as her favorite blindfold was pulled over my head and left snug over my eyes. 

"Slide off your shoes and your coat slave boy." I heard her almost whisper.  I did and then I heard my leash being attached to the ring hanging from the leather around my neck.  "Follow me carefully on your hands and knees. We're going to the basement and I DON'T want you to screw up my fun by tumbling down the stairs."  I felt the leash tugging at me, and followed it as she pulled me to the basement door.  I very slowly crawled down the stairs behind her...one step at a time...making sure not to slip.  Once at the bottom, she led me to the center of her lair.  I could see nothing, but since I'd been there many times, I had a rough idea of where I was.  I felt her pulling at my sweatshirt...up and over my head..."Stand up" she said almost inaudibly...and those were the last words I heard all night.  The button on my jeans was undone...the zipper...and my pants fell to the ground.  I stepped out of them. 

What happened next still is left to my imagination...but all at once it seemed like there were hands all over me...and before I could even begin to decipher what was going on, I had cuffs on wrists and ankles...my legs were spread and held in place by a spreader bar...and my arms were raised up to the ceiling and fastened in a way that I was completely stretched out with no slack or wiggle room at all for any of my limbs.

I felt something cold pressed against the back of my neck and then heard the unmistakable sound of tape being ripped and then being pressed over the cold object...followed by my ears being stuffed with something soft.  I hung there, blind and deaf for at least 5 minutes.  Fingers prying my mouth open and...her favorite gag (I knew it well) was pushed into my mouth and tightened around my head severely.  Then decibel by decibel...I heard music...electro dance music...louder and louder until it was filling my brain.  An ipod had obviously been taped to my back and was now being pumped into my ears.

The Pick your Celebrity Dominant Game

Okay, so it's my day off...finished the laundry...went shopping for dungeon toys...and thought to myself...this blog needs a game.  So, poured myself a Gin and Tonic and this is what I came up with. 

I've got the pics of 10 celebrites below (5male/5female) that would be my Top 10 fantasy Dominants to submit to.  In the comments pick one male and one female that you would choose from the choices listed...or WRITE IN YOUR OWN...but include a link so we can get the picture :-).  I'm not including Goddess as she might like to play too...and would superceed any of these anyway :-)

Mariska Hargitay (Olivia on Law and Order SVU)

 Pauley Perrette (Abby on NCIS)

Jeri Ryan (7 of 9 on Star Trek.  She reminds me very much of Goddess)

Gina Torres (Tough Girl Actress)

Elizabeth Mitchell (LOST, V, actress)

Zak Bagans (Ghost Adventurer)

Nestor Carbonell (LOST, Psyche, Cane)

Sting (Rock Legend)

LL. Cool J (Rapper/Actor)

Johnny Depp

Choose Away!

Slave to a Married Woman: My Thoughts on My Situation

This post is quite overdo...as I've written it, edited it, rewritten it...over and over.  I'm glad it has taken this long, since I know a lot more now about myself and the people involved.  Won't be a lot of kink here, so if you're looking for O material...stay tuned for my next piece of fiction.  This is a post that means a lot to me, and one I hope you share with others you might know who are in similar relationships.  I'm not going to fall into the trap of putting words in the mouth of Goddess or her Hubby...this post is 100% my feelings, perceptions, and how I've been putting it all together for myself.

A Brief History to Catch You Up

My Goddess is married to her Hubby and they have been married for roughly 10 years.  Both of them have been active in the BDSM/kink lifestyle for a very long time...before the two of them met.  Here are some facts and my observations of them as a couple:

• They find joy in most everything they do.  They have done some incredible traveling and seen the world. 
• They are genuinely caring people.  They have done some great acts of charity, and I've learned of some fantastic things they have done to help those less fortunate.  They have done these things with no fanfare, and shown generosity and kindness to many, many people.
• They are both extremely successful in their fields, very well respected and accomplished.  Both having worked hard to achieve their success.  They are cultured, worldly, educated, well spoken, deep thinkers.
• They are open-minded on the ways of the world, alternative lifestyles, kink related issues, sexuality, and those that are different from the rest.  While they have strong convictions and beliefs on things, they are the kind of people you can talk to and have discussions with.
• They operate together with an extremely strong Trust in and with one another.  Their tolerance for differences is most remarkable, and the way they support each other in their differences is unlike anything I've seen in a couple kink or vanilla.
• While they don't always agree, they seem to find humor in their differences, and the love they share is resilient to the trappings most marriages so often fall into.  It is a FLR, but one that works as a team, one much more based on commonality, cooperation
• At some point, Goddess expressed to Hubby she wanted to seek out a sub.  The reasons and how that situation played out between them are not really important and more private.

Sooooo, enter Hawk (me).  Goddess found me on Collarme, we emailed back and forth...and in fairly short order set up a time to meet.  Goddess and I had been completely transparent with each other on our life situations, our relationships, our histories and expectations.  So the night came...we met at a pizza place between our two homes, and had dinner.  There were some nerves...that fairly quickly dissipated.  Hubby's first words when we met were, "Don't be nervous, this isn't her first ballgame."  That set the tone for some good conversation.  We then went to a local club after dinner and did some light BDSM play, the 3 of us in a partially private area of the club.  The three of us made it through that first meeting, I believe, all pleased with each other and the potential that laid before us. 

Months have passed and Goddess has collared me and I am now in her service as her sub/slave.  While most of the BDSM portion of the relationship has been Goddess and myself, we've gone to the club since as a unit of 3...spent New Years Eve together, and the dynamic of the whole things seems to be very good.  So here's the MEAT of this post.  How I'm feeling about things:

• I adore my Goddess, I worship her with all my heart and want to be the best slave I can be for her.  I trust her, I respect her, I obey her, and I am committed to her completely.
• I am thankful for the friendship of Hubby.  How he as accepted me into his/their home for who I am.  My hope is that my relationship with him will continue to strengthen and become a special friendship.
• It is a rather remarkable dynamic, one I've never experienced.  Because Goddess is happily married and they are not into swapping or swinging or poly, my submission to her has unique and has important boundaries.  There is no "romance" or overt "sexual component" to my submission.  It is quite simply a D/s relationship, based on service, worship, power exchange.  The fulfillment for me derives from having someone I care about and trust to submit to.  To get the subspace feelings out of the fantasy part of my brain and into the "living" part of my brain.
• Hubby has his own unique kinks and preferences, that I find complex and are sort of new to me.  They aren't my cup of tea, but the way he has managed to integrate his desires and kink into his life is inspirational.
• The two of them have a network of friends with fetishes, a world of experience from playing, scening, and living the life, and a desire to enjoy life and do what feels good to each of them.  As a sub with no real network other than the friends I've met here online, it is a nice extra for me to possibly join their list of friends and maybe "come out" of my submissive closet with other real people.
• I am very self conscious about my service and submission to Goddess.  There are things that I will not ever, ever do.  I don't ever want to cause problems or issues between Goddess and Hubby.  I cherish their bond, and hope that my role in their relationship ADDS to their happiness and in no way causes any bad feelings, jealousies, or problems. 
• On a different note and line of thinking...there are some sobering thoughts to submitting to a Married Goddess.  The future will likely not hold much, if any real intimacy or romance.  Goddess has said that there may come a time when she might include others in play...or even add a female sub to our small circle...which does leave open some possibility of sexuality, intimacy, etc.  The life of a submissive like myself is often watered by gentle rains of self sacrifice, joy in sorrow, fulfillment through deprivation.  It's not something new to me or any other with deep submission written on their heart.

So how do I sum up this post?  With encouragement to those in similar situations that something as unconventional as this...can work, can be rewarding, can be fulfilling.  With a lot of trust from all parties and a genuine set of caring, kind characters...the world can be a better place for a subbie like me :-)  Please feel free to ask any questions you may have.  I welcome you into my happy heart.

NYE Reflections and a Pic

New Years's Eve has always been my least favorite holiday.  It probably goes back to high school...where it seemed every NYE ended with a broken relationship.  Within 5 years, I had been dumped 3 times and dumped someone twice...hehe...I know...wtf.  Well, NYE plans and excitement have mostly been a bust ever since then, probably because I haven't put much effort into them and pretty much shrugged off the holiday entirely.

This year, however, was more than special.  Goddess had just recently collared me (previous posts) and I actually had somewhere to go...people to spend time with...and someone to serve...and it was fantastic :-)

Goddess, her hubby, and I enjoyed some laughs and great food that she had made (all to die for).  We casually watched "Wild Hogs" which I hadn't seen, and really enjoyed.  I love William H. Macy and Ray Liotta (my favs).  So at some point Goddess had thoughts beyond the vanilla sit and chat and we retired down to the basement (soon to be dungeon) and experiemented with some bondage on the desk she plans on using in the new play space.  We also tried her gag which I LOVED...made me feel so possessed and submissive.

As you can see it's a classic older desk and big enough to stretch out my arms and legs (I'm 6'5").  Also, you'll notice that the dungeon is still in phase 1...lots to be done.  Goddess helped me welcome in the new year with the most severe spanking session she has given me.  She said several times that my pain threshhold for spankings is something we need to work on a lot in 2011.  She used most of her arsenal of spanking toys.  As much as I like the leather crop...it's not my favorite at the end of a session...ouchy.  A few minutes before midnight, she made sure I was secure and okay, and then went upstairs to bring in the new year with her hubby.  I was alone...chilled...and stretched out over the desk...alone with my submissive thoughts...and they were DELICIOUS :-)
As always I found subspace...sort of left my body.  When she returned she untied me and I was sore...had been tied to the desk for over an hour.  I knew my nipples weren't going to get a pass on such a special night and I was right.  It was chilly in the basement...so Goddess had the great idea of venting an old sweatshirt.  These little pink clothespins are my new favorites...they are strong and grabby and hold lots of weight.

By 1:15am I was lossing my ability to stay awake and still had to drive home.  So that was our NYE.  I drove home sore, with a stingy bum...tender nipples...a frustrated slutty cock (not allowed release)...and my subby brain all full of happiness.

Thank you for reading and enjoy this first day of the new year!  If you're reading, but not following the blog...please sign up...I'll luv you for it.  Membership has priviledges :-)

Songs that make you Wanna _______!

So, thought I'd try something a little different for New Year's Eve, a little more interactive and multimedia.  I'm gonna share some of the songs that make me Wanna ______.  Please leave yours in the comments, I'd love to check them out :-) I couldn't figure out how to have them open in a new window...so...it's "back button" time

Play Hard :  The Cure

Suffer : Sonic Youth

Have Sex : Prince

Dance :  EBTG

Make Out : George Michael

Have a nice depressing pity party: The Smiths

Smile : Flogging Molly

Cry : Julie Cruise

Be all Alone : Alexi Murdoch

Okay....your turn!

The Poll Results: Nipple Torture

And the results are in.  Your favorites are....

Fingers	7 (50%)
Mouth Teeth	7 (50%)
Clothespins	5 (35%)
Clamps	9 (64%)
Whips	2 (14%)
Floggers	2 (14%)
Quirts	1 (7%)
Weights	4 (28%)
Electric Wands	1 (7%)
Fire/Ice	1 (7%)
Needles	1 (7%)

The luvable "Clamps".  So many styles and levels of severity.  In honor of the results, here's a pic of Goddess's handywork with clamps and my new collar :-)