Some Images and Updates on the Journey

Snowed in...and listening to the wind howl...wishing I was at her feet...where I belong on a day like today.  Unfortunately, there's 15 miles of blizzard between us :-( 

So thought I'd catch you up with some words and pictures.

Very early in my service to Goddess, she discovered that a pair of dog leashes (moderately heavy chain) made great toys for attaching to my nipple clamps.  They've been used on many occasions and although I sort of dread them...they are extremely effective in a variety of situations.  Goddess enjoys them as well, both for their perfect weight and the way they can be used.  Above she mixed one of the leashes with one of my main duties...foot worship.  Almost every aspect of my training has a component of nipple torture.  It is one of many likes that we share, that binds us together.

Impact play, spanking, and the "reddening of the ass" are activities that are challenging for me, always have been.  I know I've got a long way to go in my training to completely satisfy Goddess in this way of submitting.  A bondage component helps me to be able to suffer longer and harder, and I know that this type of training and punishment is something that will always be tested.  Because it is important to her...it's important to me.  Above I received a nice Rosy pair of cheeks last weekend.

Something I learned at the very beginning of my submissive journey..."a sub cleans up his mess"...is ever present in my life.  Goddess enjoys this and expects it from me...it is a "given".  I've noticed several other bloggers writing about the subject lately, and just thought an image of my "reality" might be apropo.

Goddess and I both struggle with the limited amount of time in which I'm able to serve her.  Work, family, weather, and other things seem to prevent us from having the quantity of time we both desire for my training and service.  While this will always be a challenge, it's one that is made bearable by the fact that the "quality" of the time we do have is unsurpassed.

The title of this Blog, "Sub Space Searching" could really be altered to say "Sub Space Found"...but then again...deeper places of Space are still out there waiting to be cultivated.  Goddess has already made it known that there is much on the road ahead of me....

Fiction: Alone yet Not

It had been one week since I'd seen Mistress, and as I rang the doorbell, the frozen wind of mid January ran its chilled fingers through my hair.  A tear slowly made its way from my eye.  The door opened and I took a few steps in, far enough for the door to close behind me and knelt on the floor.  Within seconds I felt my collar being tightly placed around my neck and heard the lock click shut.  Just as fast I was shrouded in darkness as her favorite blindfold was pulled over my head and left snug over my eyes. 

"Slide off your shoes and your coat slave boy." I heard her almost whisper.  I did and then I heard my leash being attached to the ring hanging from the leather around my neck.  "Follow me carefully on your hands and knees. We're going to the basement and I DON'T want you to screw up my fun by tumbling down the stairs."  I felt the leash tugging at me, and followed it as she pulled me to the basement door.  I very slowly crawled down the stairs behind her...one step at a time...making sure not to slip.  Once at the bottom, she led me to the center of her lair.  I could see nothing, but since I'd been there many times, I had a rough idea of where I was.  I felt her pulling at my sweatshirt...up and over my head..."Stand up" she said almost inaudibly...and those were the last words I heard all night.  The button on my jeans was undone...the zipper...and my pants fell to the ground.  I stepped out of them. 

What happened next still is left to my imagination...but all at once it seemed like there were hands all over me...and before I could even begin to decipher what was going on, I had cuffs on wrists and ankles...my legs were spread and held in place by a spreader bar...and my arms were raised up to the ceiling and fastened in a way that I was completely stretched out with no slack or wiggle room at all for any of my limbs.

I felt something cold pressed against the back of my neck and then heard the unmistakable sound of tape being ripped and then being pressed over the cold object...followed by my ears being stuffed with something soft.  I hung there, blind and deaf for at least 5 minutes.  Fingers prying my mouth open and...her favorite gag (I knew it well) was pushed into my mouth and tightened around my head severely.  Then decibel by decibel...I heard music...electro dance music...louder and louder until it was filling my brain.  An ipod had obviously been taped to my back and was now being pumped into my ears.

NYE Reflections and a Pic

New Years's Eve has always been my least favorite holiday.  It probably goes back to high school...where it seemed every NYE ended with a broken relationship.  Within 5 years, I had been dumped 3 times and dumped someone twice...hehe...I know...wtf.  Well, NYE plans and excitement have mostly been a bust ever since then, probably because I haven't put much effort into them and pretty much shrugged off the holiday entirely.

This year, however, was more than special.  Goddess had just recently collared me (previous posts) and I actually had somewhere to go...people to spend time with...and someone to serve...and it was fantastic :-)

Goddess, her hubby, and I enjoyed some laughs and great food that she had made (all to die for).  We casually watched "Wild Hogs" which I hadn't seen, and really enjoyed.  I love William H. Macy and Ray Liotta (my favs).  So at some point Goddess had thoughts beyond the vanilla sit and chat and we retired down to the basement (soon to be dungeon) and experiemented with some bondage on the desk she plans on using in the new play space.  We also tried her gag which I LOVED...made me feel so possessed and submissive.

As you can see it's a classic older desk and big enough to stretch out my arms and legs (I'm 6'5").  Also, you'll notice that the dungeon is still in phase 1...lots to be done.  Goddess helped me welcome in the new year with the most severe spanking session she has given me.  She said several times that my pain threshhold for spankings is something we need to work on a lot in 2011.  She used most of her arsenal of spanking toys.  As much as I like the leather crop...it's not my favorite at the end of a session...ouchy.  A few minutes before midnight, she made sure I was secure and okay, and then went upstairs to bring in the new year with her hubby.  I was alone...chilled...and stretched out over the desk...alone with my submissive thoughts...and they were DELICIOUS :-)
As always I found subspace...sort of left my body.  When she returned she untied me and I was sore...had been tied to the desk for over an hour.  I knew my nipples weren't going to get a pass on such a special night and I was right.  It was chilly in the basement...so Goddess had the great idea of venting an old sweatshirt.  These little pink clothespins are my new favorites...they are strong and grabby and hold lots of weight.

By 1:15am I was lossing my ability to stay awake and still had to drive home.  So that was our NYE.  I drove home sore, with a stingy bum...tender nipples...a frustrated slutty cock (not allowed release)...and my subby brain all full of happiness.

Thank you for reading and enjoy this first day of the new year!  If you're reading, but not following the blog...please sign up...I'll luv you for it.  Membership has priviledges :-)

The Poll Results: Nipple Torture

And the results are in.  Your favorites are....

Fingers	7 (50%)
Mouth Teeth	7 (50%)
Clothespins	5 (35%)
Clamps	9 (64%)
Whips	2 (14%)
Floggers	2 (14%)
Quirts	1 (7%)
Weights	4 (28%)
Electric Wands	1 (7%)
Fire/Ice	1 (7%)
Needles	1 (7%)

The luvable "Clamps".  So many styles and levels of severity.  In honor of the results, here's a pic of Goddess's handywork with clamps and my new collar :-)

Fiction: I Can't take Anymore (A Memory)

It had already been hours since I had arrived at Mistress's home.  She had unleashed a world of suffering on me, through every method she knew...especially my nipple training.  The majority of my body was quivering, and the minority that wasn't was dodging the blows from her crop.  The afternoon was almost over and I assumed she was about to dismiss me...but that wasn't the case.  I stood before her as a clover clamp was placed on each of my nipples and they were joined by a heavy chain that provided tension and an evil weight was dangled from the chain. She sat at her bureau to do her hair and makeup before going out for the evening, and had me wedge my nose in her ass crack while she worked. As the minutes passed, the chain's weight began to pull at my nipples making it more and more uncomfortable to the point I almost had tears in my eyes.

When she had completed her preparations, she got down on the floor facing me and looked me in the eyes. She could tell I was at my limit with the pain. A good Domme can just sense my pain by looking in my eyes. She pushed the chain like a swing and I almost passed out...praying the clamps would pull themselves off with the motion of the chain...but they didn't. When the chain came to a stop, she mercifully but quickly pinched the clamps and let them fall to the floor. I closed my eyes and fought off a scream as the blood and nerves rushed back to the ends of my nipples.

Diary: A Humiliation for Her Enjoyment

Goddess and I attended the club on Friday night and again, my horizons were broadened.  I would just like to share a portion of the evening that really set the benchmark for any humiliation I've ever experienced.  There were very few people at the club, friendly folks, but not many of them.  I had suffered some fairly taxing nipple torture already.  She had 2 hemostats, one on each nipple, attached them with metal clasps and had a wooden paddle hanging from them for weight.  We were in a semi private room, meaning, it had a door, but the door had a window, and there was another window also in the room so people in the main play space could view in without actually interacting at all.

She positioned me in the middle of the small room facing the windows.  I was completely nude except for the nipple implements.  She used a crop on my penis and balls until I had a strong erection (which doesn't take much, especially when my nipples are involved).  An older leather man was standing up next to the window watching...and I tried my best to not look at him, avoiding his eyes.  I know he was fondling himself while he watched, which made me a little uncomfortable.  A younger couple then walked to the door and started watching also.  Goddess continued to use the crop and I continued to stand there on display for the audience outside the room.  The she handed me a small Styrofoam bowl and asked if I was ready for my reward.  I immediately said "Yes Ma'am" not wanting to give her a chance to change her mind.

Three Firsts in one Night

It's quite a day to remember.  Goddess and her hubby had invited me to their home for dinner.  It says a lot for the level of trust and understanding that each of us feels and made for a fantastic evening.  We spent a substantial amount of time chatting and sharing and having some laughs while Goddess prepared a fantastic meal.  She is a great chef and everything was wonderful.  We again all enjoyed each other's company during dinner.

After I had done the dishes, Goddess brought out a cupping set similiar to this...definitely a first for me.  She tried a couple different sizes and pressures.  All felt strange and unique, but the one that felt best was a smaller one on my left nipple.  She was very careful not to go to far...I actually liked it most when it was pumped an extra pump.  I don't think it did much for Goddess, as it did take multiple tries, wasn't working exactly as it should, and frankly, I think she just likes other things better.  I think it might be worth another try if she desired it...just to push it a little harder and see how much pain and discomfort it could cause if pumped a little further. 

Fiction: A Lesson in Humility

We arrived at the club as it opened once again.  We had gotten comfortable with the atmosphere, the people, and generally were very comfortable using this place as our "head quarters" for scenes and playing.  Over the course of the week, my owner had been dropping hints that because I had been serving well, I was going to be rewarded with my favorite sub activities and even, much to my delight, orgasms.  All week I had a spring in my step anticipating a "subbie dream come true" session on Saturday.

As we entered, I dropped to my knees and kissed her feet (as is one of her rules) and invited her to take a seat and get comfortable so I could worship her feet properly.  As I began my massage, Ma'am started asking me questions like, "You've been looking forward to tonight haven't you?", "Is your erection ready for the release we talked about?", "Which of your favorite things would you like to start with tonight?"  It seemed as though I was going to get a royal sub treatment.  Ma'am is very kind and loving, and since I had done everything in my power to serve her well...I was "Proud" that she was recognizing my efforts and planning a reward for me.

Night 2 @the Club

On Friday night, Goddess, Hubby, and I again went to the local club for more get acquainted time.  Goddess and I have been chatting online daily to keep getting to know each other and talk through all the things that come up between a Domme and a new sub.  Here are the bullets of our time together:

Goddess Perfectus (Fiction)

I had just finished 30 minutes of massaging, kissing, and sucking her toes and feet, as it became apparent that the club was going to be slow again that night.  "Let's take your training a step forward my dear Hawk" she said in her soft but commanding voice.  We walked into the semi-private room (the one with big glass windows for those who cared to watch) and I stripped down, out of my clothes and submitted to whatever she had planned.  She placed cuffs on my wrists and ankles and proceeded to secure me to the tall wooden cross in the corner.  I was stretched out nicely and had very little room for movement at all.  She placed a gag in my mouth and stepped back to admire her new property.  I looked into her eyes as she grabbed the small nipple whip and began to slowly sensitize both my nipples...bringing the blood to the surface...not really causing much pain, but building up a warmth on my skin.  Once satisfied with the shade of pink around each nipple...she continued...