Goddess and the Dungeon

The dungeon has come a LONG way!

We've constructed walls (above) and although we may configure them slightly different, the work we have put in is really starting to show.  By the end of this month it should be mostly finished

 :-)

Of course there are always improvements and "adds", but the Space is for all intensive purposes...ready for action.

Also, Goddess received a new paddle that came as an extra with my collar.  It's called the "Lightning Bolt" and it is exquisitely made.  Check out Black Market Chicago and the image of Goddess with the new tool below...

She is Divine and so worthy of praise and worship.  I am fortunate to be in her service!

Some Images and Updates on the Journey

Snowed in...and listening to the wind howl...wishing I was at her feet...where I belong on a day like today.  Unfortunately, there's 15 miles of blizzard between us :-( 

So thought I'd catch you up with some words and pictures.

Very early in my service to Goddess, she discovered that a pair of dog leashes (moderately heavy chain) made great toys for attaching to my nipple clamps.  They've been used on many occasions and although I sort of dread them...they are extremely effective in a variety of situations.  Goddess enjoys them as well, both for their perfect weight and the way they can be used.  Above she mixed one of the leashes with one of my main duties...foot worship.  Almost every aspect of my training has a component of nipple torture.  It is one of many likes that we share, that binds us together.

Impact play, spanking, and the "reddening of the ass" are activities that are challenging for me, always have been.  I know I've got a long way to go in my training to completely satisfy Goddess in this way of submitting.  A bondage component helps me to be able to suffer longer and harder, and I know that this type of training and punishment is something that will always be tested.  Because it is important to her...it's important to me.  Above I received a nice Rosy pair of cheeks last weekend.

Something I learned at the very beginning of my submissive journey..."a sub cleans up his mess"...is ever present in my life.  Goddess enjoys this and expects it from me...it is a "given".  I've noticed several other bloggers writing about the subject lately, and just thought an image of my "reality" might be apropo.

Goddess and I both struggle with the limited amount of time in which I'm able to serve her.  Work, family, weather, and other things seem to prevent us from having the quantity of time we both desire for my training and service.  While this will always be a challenge, it's one that is made bearable by the fact that the "quality" of the time we do have is unsurpassed.

The title of this Blog, "Sub Space Searching" could really be altered to say "Sub Space Found"...but then again...deeper places of Space are still out there waiting to be cultivated.  Goddess has already made it known that there is much on the road ahead of me....

Images for subservient-husband: As Promised

As promised, from the "What's your favorite bondage position" post, here are some images of SH's contribution.  You see, this really IS interactive!

Hopefully, that's the idea you had in mind sub-hub :-)

Another post will be coming soon, as I've much more to share....

Little Snapshot of Sunday

I had a chance to serve Goddess yesterday...YEAH!  We went shopping and found some really nice fabric to use for the dungeon walls (stay tuned).  We were also able to clean out more basement "stuff" to the curb. 

We had some time to again try out the dungeon and it was an incredible afternoon.  Goddess found a new position for me that she really enjoyed...

One of the benefits of this position was to explore, for the first time...foot cropping.  I had seen it in many movies and was very curious about it.  Goddess used a couple of tools on my feet...the fleshy part on and around the arch.  It was exquisite pain...made me feel very submissive, and hopefully Goddess will begin to include that place on my body for future training and punishment :-)

Have a Mombo Monday everyone!

Goddess Images

After working on the dungeon all day, we played with the camera a little.  Here is a very artistic view of Goddess' most incredible foot....

And a capture of my service as Goddess relaxed at the end of the evening...with worship and a foot massage...

So much fantastic stuff has been happening.  Goddess has brought up a more structured "training curriculum" and also her desire to begin some other areas of my development, in order to help me become her perfect slave.  Much more to come!

The New Dungeon Playspace: Another step forward!

Well, Goddess and I worked ALL day yesterday on the new dungeon.  As you can see, we made HUGE progress...even beyond what we expected.

You've already seen the desk in action from New Year's Eve, but we made some enhancements to it.  We also were able to turn an old exercise machine into a functioning "Cross of Sorts".

I fashioned a place to hang Goddess' favorite hanging implements as well.  We still have some decorative work to do, some safety checking with some of the equipment, and a couple more tricks up our sleeves.  But I can tell you this is going to be a playspace worthy of someone as superior and fantastic as Goddess :-)

Definitely more to come soon on this very soon! 

Slave to a Married Woman: My Thoughts on My Situation

This post is quite overdo...as I've written it, edited it, rewritten it...over and over.  I'm glad it has taken this long, since I know a lot more now about myself and the people involved.  Won't be a lot of kink here, so if you're looking for O material...stay tuned for my next piece of fiction.  This is a post that means a lot to me, and one I hope you share with others you might know who are in similar relationships.  I'm not going to fall into the trap of putting words in the mouth of Goddess or her Hubby...this post is 100% my feelings, perceptions, and how I've been putting it all together for myself.

A Brief History to Catch You Up

My Goddess is married to her Hubby and they have been married for roughly 10 years.  Both of them have been active in the BDSM/kink lifestyle for a very long time...before the two of them met.  Here are some facts and my observations of them as a couple:

• They find joy in most everything they do.  They have done some incredible traveling and seen the world. 
• They are genuinely caring people.  They have done some great acts of charity, and I've learned of some fantastic things they have done to help those less fortunate.  They have done these things with no fanfare, and shown generosity and kindness to many, many people.
• They are both extremely successful in their fields, very well respected and accomplished.  Both having worked hard to achieve their success.  They are cultured, worldly, educated, well spoken, deep thinkers.
• They are open-minded on the ways of the world, alternative lifestyles, kink related issues, sexuality, and those that are different from the rest.  While they have strong convictions and beliefs on things, they are the kind of people you can talk to and have discussions with.
• They operate together with an extremely strong Trust in and with one another.  Their tolerance for differences is most remarkable, and the way they support each other in their differences is unlike anything I've seen in a couple kink or vanilla.
• While they don't always agree, they seem to find humor in their differences, and the love they share is resilient to the trappings most marriages so often fall into.  It is a FLR, but one that works as a team, one much more based on commonality, cooperation
• At some point, Goddess expressed to Hubby she wanted to seek out a sub.  The reasons and how that situation played out between them are not really important and more private.

Sooooo, enter Hawk (me).  Goddess found me on Collarme, we emailed back and forth...and in fairly short order set up a time to meet.  Goddess and I had been completely transparent with each other on our life situations, our relationships, our histories and expectations.  So the night came...we met at a pizza place between our two homes, and had dinner.  There were some nerves...that fairly quickly dissipated.  Hubby's first words when we met were, "Don't be nervous, this isn't her first ballgame."  That set the tone for some good conversation.  We then went to a local club after dinner and did some light BDSM play, the 3 of us in a partially private area of the club.  The three of us made it through that first meeting, I believe, all pleased with each other and the potential that laid before us. 

Months have passed and Goddess has collared me and I am now in her service as her sub/slave.  While most of the BDSM portion of the relationship has been Goddess and myself, we've gone to the club since as a unit of 3...spent New Years Eve together, and the dynamic of the whole things seems to be very good.  So here's the MEAT of this post.  How I'm feeling about things:

• I adore my Goddess, I worship her with all my heart and want to be the best slave I can be for her.  I trust her, I respect her, I obey her, and I am committed to her completely.
• I am thankful for the friendship of Hubby.  How he as accepted me into his/their home for who I am.  My hope is that my relationship with him will continue to strengthen and become a special friendship.
• It is a rather remarkable dynamic, one I've never experienced.  Because Goddess is happily married and they are not into swapping or swinging or poly, my submission to her has unique and has important boundaries.  There is no "romance" or overt "sexual component" to my submission.  It is quite simply a D/s relationship, based on service, worship, power exchange.  The fulfillment for me derives from having someone I care about and trust to submit to.  To get the subspace feelings out of the fantasy part of my brain and into the "living" part of my brain.
• Hubby has his own unique kinks and preferences, that I find complex and are sort of new to me.  They aren't my cup of tea, but the way he has managed to integrate his desires and kink into his life is inspirational.
• The two of them have a network of friends with fetishes, a world of experience from playing, scening, and living the life, and a desire to enjoy life and do what feels good to each of them.  As a sub with no real network other than the friends I've met here online, it is a nice extra for me to possibly join their list of friends and maybe "come out" of my submissive closet with other real people.
• I am very self conscious about my service and submission to Goddess.  There are things that I will not ever, ever do.  I don't ever want to cause problems or issues between Goddess and Hubby.  I cherish their bond, and hope that my role in their relationship ADDS to their happiness and in no way causes any bad feelings, jealousies, or problems. 
• On a different note and line of thinking...there are some sobering thoughts to submitting to a Married Goddess.  The future will likely not hold much, if any real intimacy or romance.  Goddess has said that there may come a time when she might include others in play...or even add a female sub to our small circle...which does leave open some possibility of sexuality, intimacy, etc.  The life of a submissive like myself is often watered by gentle rains of self sacrifice, joy in sorrow, fulfillment through deprivation.  It's not something new to me or any other with deep submission written on their heart.

So how do I sum up this post?  With encouragement to those in similar situations that something as unconventional as this...can work, can be rewarding, can be fulfilling.  With a lot of trust from all parties and a genuine set of caring, kind characters...the world can be a better place for a subbie like me :-)  Please feel free to ask any questions you may have.  I welcome you into my happy heart.

NYE Reflections and a Pic

New Years's Eve has always been my least favorite holiday.  It probably goes back to high school...where it seemed every NYE ended with a broken relationship.  Within 5 years, I had been dumped 3 times and dumped someone twice...hehe...I know...wtf.  Well, NYE plans and excitement have mostly been a bust ever since then, probably because I haven't put much effort into them and pretty much shrugged off the holiday entirely.

This year, however, was more than special.  Goddess had just recently collared me (previous posts) and I actually had somewhere to go...people to spend time with...and someone to serve...and it was fantastic :-)

Goddess, her hubby, and I enjoyed some laughs and great food that she had made (all to die for).  We casually watched "Wild Hogs" which I hadn't seen, and really enjoyed.  I love William H. Macy and Ray Liotta (my favs).  So at some point Goddess had thoughts beyond the vanilla sit and chat and we retired down to the basement (soon to be dungeon) and experiemented with some bondage on the desk she plans on using in the new play space.  We also tried her gag which I LOVED...made me feel so possessed and submissive.

As you can see it's a classic older desk and big enough to stretch out my arms and legs (I'm 6'5").  Also, you'll notice that the dungeon is still in phase 1...lots to be done.  Goddess helped me welcome in the new year with the most severe spanking session she has given me.  She said several times that my pain threshhold for spankings is something we need to work on a lot in 2011.  She used most of her arsenal of spanking toys.  As much as I like the leather crop...it's not my favorite at the end of a session...ouchy.  A few minutes before midnight, she made sure I was secure and okay, and then went upstairs to bring in the new year with her hubby.  I was alone...chilled...and stretched out over the desk...alone with my submissive thoughts...and they were DELICIOUS :-)
As always I found subspace...sort of left my body.  When she returned she untied me and I was sore...had been tied to the desk for over an hour.  I knew my nipples weren't going to get a pass on such a special night and I was right.  It was chilly in the basement...so Goddess had the great idea of venting an old sweatshirt.  These little pink clothespins are my new favorites...they are strong and grabby and hold lots of weight.

By 1:15am I was lossing my ability to stay awake and still had to drive home.  So that was our NYE.  I drove home sore, with a stingy bum...tender nipples...a frustrated slutty cock (not allowed release)...and my subby brain all full of happiness.

Thank you for reading and enjoy this first day of the new year!  If you're reading, but not following the blog...please sign up...I'll luv you for it.  Membership has priviledges :-)

The Poll Results: Nipple Torture

And the results are in.  Your favorites are....

Fingers	7 (50%)
Mouth Teeth	7 (50%)
Clothespins	5 (35%)
Clamps	9 (64%)
Whips	2 (14%)
Floggers	2 (14%)
Quirts	1 (7%)
Weights	4 (28%)
Electric Wands	1 (7%)
Fire/Ice	1 (7%)
Needles	1 (7%)

The luvable "Clamps".  So many styles and levels of severity.  In honor of the results, here's a pic of Goddess's handywork with clamps and my new collar :-)

The Most Special Gift of All: A Collar

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Collaring Part 3: In Kinkness and In Health...

Ah, the Collaring Ceremony...the subject of Blog posts, Diary entries, Short stories and Poems.  Just the thought of a ceremony conjures up words and emotions like romance, power exchange, jocularity, festiveness, solumness, pagentry, protocol, sacrifice, community....

If you google "collaring ceremony", you'll get tons of examples, formulas, pictures, movies, how-to's, OMG...people love a good ceremony :-)  Here are some very common elements often included in typical ceremonies....

• The "branding" of the sub/slave with the owner's mark.  (For the Gorean Crowd)
• Elaborate speeches and orations
• Recitations of oaths
• Public flogging
• Candle lighting ceremonies including wax play
• The shedding or dropping of sub's hard and soft limits
• A renaming of the sub/slave
• A binding of the hands by ribbon with both holding the contract
• The signing of a contract
• A carefully scripted public scene
• In a domme/sub ceremony, the sub may be "taken with a strap-on" to signify the power exchange, often in front of the guests.
• A wine toast for everyone except the sub who gets her golden nectar.
• Ceremony guests may be invited to hug the Master/Mistress and spank or humiliate the submissive...or may be asked to participate in some manner that the Master/Mistress desires.
• Elements common to a marriage may be included, such as music, readings, etc.
• A reception or party may be held subsequent to the ceremony.  This may include scenes, public service from the submissive...or simply be a time for drink and laughter.

It's a creative person's dream event...no doubt...whether its a small or large event.  And since there aren't any real "social conventions" other than the actual "collaring"...a Master/Mistress can basically design their own perfect ceremony.

There will probably be a follow up to this post after Goddess and I put our heads together...and her will is done :-)

Collaring Part 2: Musings on the Internet's Take

As most of you readers know, I am in service to Goddess, a Magnificent Woman who somehow found me in the pile of subs out there seeking a dominant.  We've only been together now for going on two months, and already have made some significant moves forward in our relationship.  My period of "consideration" lasted about a week (mostly online, a dinner w/ her and hubby, and a play session at a local club).  Immediately, many things became apparent:

• There was a respectable amount of trust that developed quickly.
• There was an "energy" that made a "connection" between us from the beginning.
• Our philosophies, views, interests, BDSM profiles were very in-line with one another.
• My life situation (single parent) and hers (a solid femdom marriage) were assimilated into a common goal...potential domme/sub relationship.

This background in mind, we have done a whirlwind of what most would call "training" or mutual "testing" of who each of us is, what makes us tick, what our "limits" are, and where we'd like this to go in the future.  Although I've worn collars for her...one could hardly call them "training" collars simply because things have gone so fast.

COLLARING Pt. 1 : Research and Understanding

So, over the last 25 years or so, I've been in and out...on the fringe...knee deep in the BDSM scene.  Lots of experimentation, lots of play partners, lots of self reflection.  A "collar", although discussed a couple times, has not been part of my experience.  With my devotion to Goddess growing by the day, and Her happiness with my service...the word has come up.  A "Collar"...an adornment, a piece of clothing or accessory sure...but we're talking about a COLLAR or BEING COLLARED. 



While I have a basic understanding of what that really is, I did some research and found some great resources on what a Collar really means, what types of collars there are, etc.  Much more than I had thought about, so wanted to share with you.  One of the best sites I found was http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/ . 

Diary: When Worship Gets Sticky

Through out my submissive journey, I've probably spent months of my life worshiping feet.  It's one thing I do extremely well, and can always be sure that my service is pleasing my dominant, and making their life better...more enjoyable.  I've been trained professionally on foot massage technique, I've devoted my life to practice and training to become even better.  I'm tireless with my mouth and tongue when it comes to kisses, licks, sucks, and nuzzles.  

So when Goddess introduced her desire for me to "feed" from her feet...I knew that my horizon's were going to be expanded.  I've now had desert from her toes twice...and also cleaned up one of my "messes" from her toes as well (in front of several gawking strangers to boot).  Worshiping a magnificent foot is a foundation of my submissiveness...a platform that many other forms of service are built up from. 

Maybe the biggest thing about foot worship for me is...it is a downhill run to Subspace...a freefall into subbyland...where a total exchange of power...a total devotion to the pleasure and benefit of my owner...begins.

Diary: Basement: Your Help

As Goddess visualizes her ideal dungeon space and we work to make it a reality.  It would be great to get some help from you readers.  Please feel free to contribute:

• Any "do-it-yourself" ideas for furniture, decoration, miscellaneous dungeon stuff.
• What you would have in YOUR dream dungeon.
• Pictures or links to practical dungeon solutions.

• Any creative ideas you might have.



The space will be approximately 15' x 15' give or take.  Cement walls on 2 sides and open for drape/curtain walls on the other two.  Cement floor.  Lots of rafters and beams exposed on the ceiling.  Starting from scratch, so everything will be by Goddess' design and meet her approval.

Thanks for any help you might be able to give in the thought process :-)

Diary: The Basement

No this isn't going to be a "locked in the basement like an animal" entry :-)  Actually I spent Sunday afternoon with Goddess and her husband at their home.  We began a basement cleanup with the objective of making space to construct a dungeon lair for her.  They have the typical accumulation of "things" that anyone builds up throughout life...so there were boxes and boxes of various things: clothes, keepsakes, books, old dishes, etc.  We spent several hours organizing, purging, reminiscing about certain items.  It was fun on several levels.  First of all, I enjoyed being helpful in a different way, as it made me feel useful to them.  Secondly, I got to know them as people...interacting in a different way than domme/sub.  Thirdly, I learned more about them by seeing their keepsakes, hearing their stories, and allowing a nice element of humor and lightheartedness.

After we had cleared out many, many shelves.  I hauled up the throwaway boxes to the garage to be ready for trash day.  It was a labor of love, but in all honesty, it was work :-)  I overdid it a tad, and was pretty sore that night and the day after.  Guess it was a reminder that a 45 year old man can and does get out of shape.

Well, as we called the basement quits, Goddess made sure we still had time to continue my training and I endured a very strenuous session of nipple training/torture, that pleased her greatly.  It was a new benchmark for me in the level of suffering that I was able to endure for her.

The journey continues and all is well with the world.

Diary: My First Punishment

I had failed her earlier this week.  Goddess has given me 5 different pairs of panties to wear at her direction.  I was to always have a clean pair available, in case she wished me to wear a pair to work or had special plans.  Well...I failed...between work...a busy laundry room in my complex...and dare I say...a lack of planning on my part...all 5 were in a state of non-freshness.  Goddess was displeased and made sure I knew that there were consequences for my failure.

Last night, she looked so beautiful, she smelled beautiful and when I arrived at her location...my mind wondered away from a punishment to just serving and worshiping her feet.  At one point in the evening, however, it was "that" time, and Ma'am began what was to be a very long spanking session.  She used a number of different straps, hairbrushes and paddles to warm me up.  I was thankful that she didn't just go right to "the punishment".  Once my bottom was a shade of red that pleased her...she used the wooden paddle on me...sets of 10 at a time.  It is easily the most severe of her spanking toys I've endured (except maybe the quirt).  I suffered for her...I counted out the whacks for her.  I knew that I deserved it and took the punishment as bravely as I could.

I know she went easy on me, as it was my first punishment for my first offense.  But it was severe enough to give me a taste of the repercussions of disappointing her.

There are other things I'll share at some point, including her sending me home with a pair of butterfly clamps that I will be using during my chastity training, and a glimpse of her basement...that we plan to overhaul into a private dungeon/lair.  So much going on, I'm so Thankful for her, for her guidance, for her training, for her ownership of me.  It truly is the best Thanksgiving this sub has had in a very long time.

Diary: A Humiliation for Her Enjoyment

Goddess and I attended the club on Friday night and again, my horizons were broadened.  I would just like to share a portion of the evening that really set the benchmark for any humiliation I've ever experienced.  There were very few people at the club, friendly folks, but not many of them.  I had suffered some fairly taxing nipple torture already.  She had 2 hemostats, one on each nipple, attached them with metal clasps and had a wooden paddle hanging from them for weight.  We were in a semi private room, meaning, it had a door, but the door had a window, and there was another window also in the room so people in the main play space could view in without actually interacting at all.

She positioned me in the middle of the small room facing the windows.  I was completely nude except for the nipple implements.  She used a crop on my penis and balls until I had a strong erection (which doesn't take much, especially when my nipples are involved).  An older leather man was standing up next to the window watching...and I tried my best to not look at him, avoiding his eyes.  I know he was fondling himself while he watched, which made me a little uncomfortable.  A younger couple then walked to the door and started watching also.  Goddess continued to use the crop and I continued to stand there on display for the audience outside the room.  The she handed me a small Styrofoam bowl and asked if I was ready for my reward.  I immediately said "Yes Ma'am" not wanting to give her a chance to change her mind.

Three Firsts in one Night

It's quite a day to remember.  Goddess and her hubby had invited me to their home for dinner.  It says a lot for the level of trust and understanding that each of us feels and made for a fantastic evening.  We spent a substantial amount of time chatting and sharing and having some laughs while Goddess prepared a fantastic meal.  She is a great chef and everything was wonderful.  We again all enjoyed each other's company during dinner.

After I had done the dishes, Goddess brought out a cupping set similiar to this...definitely a first for me.  She tried a couple different sizes and pressures.  All felt strange and unique, but the one that felt best was a smaller one on my left nipple.  She was very careful not to go to far...I actually liked it most when it was pumped an extra pump.  I don't think it did much for Goddess, as it did take multiple tries, wasn't working exactly as it should, and frankly, I think she just likes other things better.  I think it might be worth another try if she desired it...just to push it a little harder and see how much pain and discomfort it could cause if pumped a little further. 

That Slutty Feeling

There have been several times in my submissive life, where after anal training or strap-on play...I've mentioned to my Domme that I've felt slutty...that I walk different for about 24 hours.  Something about being penetrated just brings on a mindset of...trying to attract gazes at my ass...trying to attract others who might be interested in having me.  More than anything, it's the involuntary change in the way I walk...the "slut walk".  Well Goddess and I haven't done any anal/ass play yet, but the shocking revelation I'd like to share is about panties.  Goddess had me wear some sexy panties last Friday night at the club (first time ever worn women's undergarments)...and they had/are having the same effect on me. 

She instructed me to wear a pair of panties to work today...which was a little strange for me to be sure...but I followed her instructions.  I noticed myself walking like a slutty teenager...striking poses...wishing people would see and desire my ass.  The best way to describe it is, all day today...in my head...I was walking and feeling like this:


My Goddess has brought out in me a very interesting deep rooted sexy feminine feeling.  It caused many erections over the course of the day...and had her on my mind all day.